I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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