wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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