dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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