Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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