I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
we're so committed to being not committed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
