Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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