Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
