If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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