You can't special order awesome
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize