Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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