she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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