some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
