when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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