I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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