the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
