Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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