I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
