The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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