what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
