He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
