distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
