yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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