I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
