make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
