So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
