If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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