i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
