you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
