So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
