Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
