the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
