my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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