Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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