at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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