so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
