dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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