it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
