dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
