So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
