I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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