so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
