I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
