It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
