He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
