trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
