You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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