Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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