Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm way too hungover for life right now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
