The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
