What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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