I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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