I can tuck mytits in my pants
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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