tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
