im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
