Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
