he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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