why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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