I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
