I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
