Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
