I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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