i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
