I want to walk on stilts...naked
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
