i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
