proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
