sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
