someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize