I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
