i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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