I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
