...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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